spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
