There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
