My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
