Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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