I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
