is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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