never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
