I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
