so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
