Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
