...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
