He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
