I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
