He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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