I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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