We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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