Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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