I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
