A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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