How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
