I can text with my tongue
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
