she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
