So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
