DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
