You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
