Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
