and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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