At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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