I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
