I wish I could teleport
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
