Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
