college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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