i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
