I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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