tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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