Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
