drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
