OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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