I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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