you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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