my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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