the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
