I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
