This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
