My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
