did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
