This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
