i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
