she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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