no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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